Marriage Initiative | Oklahoma Family Policy Council

Marriage Initiative

YES, you CAN Have a ‘Really Good’ Marriage!

"The development of a really good marriage is not a natural process. It is an achievement."
—Dr. David R. Mace & Vera Mace

"Marriage isn't supposed to make you happy—it's your job to make your marriage happy."
—Diane Sollee, Smart Marriages

Consider the truth of those words. They may not quite fit the ideal of marriage you have floating around in your head or the images so often expressed in Hollywood's epic romantic movies, but they're reality.

The good news is . . . whether you're a romantic young newlywed just starting out on life's road or a seasoned marriage veteran, there are many ways you and your spouse can make your own marriage better and stronger starting today!

For helpful marriage links, please scroll to the bottom of this page.

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A Christ-Centered Approach to Marriage . . .

Marriage Network Oklahoma

Oklahoma Family Policy Council serves on the executive board of Marriage Network Oklahoma (MNO), an exciting outreach of the Christian faith-based community, including individuals, churches, and other associated nonprofit organizations to strengthen marriages in Oklahoma.

In 2008, MNO is identifying and cooperatively working with 10 or more Central Oklahoma or Oklahoma City-area churches to help them pilot their own new, comprehensive church marriage ministries, for the benefit of their congregations and for the community-at-large.

MNO's Web-site is the place to go for marriage-related news and information for individuals, engaged and married couples, marriage mentors, and church leaders. There you can learn about upcoming premarital classes, marriage enrichment events, weekend conferences, and training opportunities—really anything about marriage in Oklahoma.

MNO cordially invites your participation in this private-sector Oklahoma effort to fulfill the biblical instruction of Hebrews 13:4: "Let marriage be held in honor by all."

Individuals, churches, nonprofit organizations, and businesses may join Marriage Network Oklahoma absolutely free-of-charge.

Why not link arms with MNO in this important cultural effort to strengthen individual marriages and the institution of marriage in Oklahoma?

MNO’s pro-marriage work complements the existing Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, which was begun by former Gov. Frank Keating and First Lady Cathy Keating in 1999 (see below).

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Oklahoma Marriage Initiative

Oklahoma is unique among the 50 states because of the strong public emphasis it places on helping its citizens to develop stronger marriages. Among the goals of the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative are the following:

• to reduce the high number of divorces in Oklahoma by one-third, by the year 2010;
• to teach citizens about the many personal and societal benefits of marriage; and
• to encourage currently-cohabiting Oklahoma couples to marry.

Background

Many people are surprised to learn that the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative was started as a result of efforts to improve Oklahoma's economy—not its social, familial, or moral climate.

In 1998, two state universities, Oklahoma State University and the University of Oklahoma, were asked by then Oklahoma Gov. Frank Keating to perform a joint analysis and to identify the key factors that would help Oklahoma's economy to thrive. Their research report listed many of the usual factors: low taxation, government incentives, high levels of educational attainment among citizens, well-trained employees, etc. But the report also mentioned that the state's negative social factors (a high divorce rate—the second highest in the nation—and increasing problems with drug abuse and child abuse), which were seriously hurting the state's economy, too.

As a result of this insight, Gov. Keating, in his 1999 State of the State Address, called Oklahomans to action to strengthen our marriages and to, hopefully, reduce the divorce rate by one-third over the next decade.

The Governor & First Lady's Marriage Summit

In March, 1999, Gov. Frank Keating and his wife, First Lady Cathy Keating, hosted the—first in the nation—Governor and First Lady's Summit on Marriage at the Governor's Mansion in Oklahoma City.

A broad array of Oklahoma's community leaders, government and business executives, print and broadcast media, religious leaders, social workers, academics, and nonprofit organizations were represented at the Summit, including the Oklahoma Family Policy Council. The group heard from numerous national and state marriage and family experts who explained the need for marriage strengthening and reform in Oklahoma.

The Oklahoma marriage movement was launched, and the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative (OMI) was created.

Promoting Marriage to Fight Poverty

Social-science researchers know that unmarried women and cohabiting couples have a much greater statistical likelihood of living their lives in poverty. More cohabitation and less marriage within society means a much greater demand and need for public welfare.

By encouraging more couples to marry and by helping married couples to strengthen their existing marriages, Oklahoma's public officials believe the OMI will dramatically reduce the need for either federal or state welfare expenditures in the future. Aside from the savings taxpayers will realize, the individual married couples and their children will benefit in many ways, too!

Multi-Sector Involvement

Central to OMI's success has been its broad-based sector approach. Rather than treating marriage as only a private or faith-community issue, the OMI has worked to bring many diverse sectors of the Oklahoma community to the table, to help strengthen marriages and reduce the number of divorces.

Sectors involved include Oklahoma's business, legislative, religious, media, professional, educational, social-service and nonprofit communities. Each sector has identified substantive ways in which they can work to support the goal of stronger marriages and fewer divorces in the Sooner State.

PREP (Prevention & Relationship Enhancement Program)

A major focus for OMI has been the presentation across Oklahoma of the PREP curriculum, developed by University of Denver researchers Scott M. Stanley, Ph.D., and Howard J. Markman, Ph.D. This research-based curriculum teaches married, engaged, or cohabiting couples essential relationship and communication skills, which will be helpful to them in their one-to-one relationships and with their families.

PREP offers both secular and Christian versions of their training, which each incorporate the key foundational, research-based findings about relationships and communication that are central to PREP's effectiveness.

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Marriage Success Stories

What kind of things are happening in Oklahoma to see progress toward the goal?

Legislators have passed new laws to encourage stronger, better-formed marriages. Legislation to reform divorce law and to allow covenant marriage has also been proposed. Couples who get premarital counseling receive a substantial discount on their marriage license fee.

Many pastors and priests have voluntarily committed to provide all engaged couples with 4 to 6 months of premarital counseling. Some Oklahoma churches are also helping established married couples to get training as marriage mentors, to help engaged couples and the newly married.

Over a dozen churches are working with Marriage Network Oklahoma to jointly develop comprehensive marriage ministries within their congregations.

The state's social-service delivery system is helping married couples with whom they have contact to obtain the necessary training and skills to strengthen their marriages. The state is also encouraging cohabiting couples to consider the many proven benefits of marriage.

More Oklahoma businesses are becoming "family-friendly" and sensitive to family concerns. Some, as an employee benefit, are paying for their employees to attend marriage-strengthening conferences or to obtain needed marital counseling.

Relationship training conferences, sponsored by OMI and based on the PREP curriculum, are regularly held all across Oklahoma.

Much work remains to be done to strengthen Oklahoma marriages in a truly significant way, however, Oklahoma is farther down the road than are many states.

With the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative and Marriage Network Oklahoma now successfully operating, only what remains is for the people of the great state of Oklahoma, including those in its many churches and businesses, to catch a common vision of what can be accomplished with much greater commitment and participation in these initiatives, and the Lord's blessing.

When that happens, with respect to marriage, we will be able to truthfully say, echoing the lyrics of our state song, "You're doing fine Oklahoma, Oklahoma OK!"

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Marriage Links

The following links will point you to many excellent marriage-related Web-sites—some national, many of them right here in Oklahoma—where you'll learn ways you and your spouse can build a stronger, more intimate marriage yourselves, and also protect the marriage institution from the numerous legal, cultural challenges it is facing today:

Alliance for Marriage – Dr. Matt Daniels

The Association of Marriage and Family Ministries – AM FM

Becoming One: Emotionally, Spiritually, Sexually – Dr. Joe Beam

The Case for Marriage – Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher

Dr. Gary Chapman

Dr. H. Norman Wright

Dr. Joe Beam

Dr. Kevin Leman

eHarmony.com (research-based online matchmaking)

Family Dynamics Institute (marriage enrichment, help for couples in crisis)

Family Life – Dr. Dennis Rainey

Family Research Council